


Without Assurance, Without Insurance, You Believe

by enthusiasmgirl



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post-Season/Series 03, Religious Discussion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 19:45:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17147975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enthusiasmgirl/pseuds/enthusiasmgirl
Summary: Of all the people to ask about his faith in God, Foggy is the last person Matt expects.





	Without Assurance, Without Insurance, You Believe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Inastiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inastiel/gifts).



> So this is for Inastiel, for the 2018 Daredevil Exchange as a holiday gift.
> 
> I apologize, because I accidentally forgot to reach out to clarify beyond the list of don'ts I was given, and the prompt which was the song "Sight" by Sleeping At Last (which was gorgeous). So I hope this is okay based on the little I could gather from Tumblr and AO3. It's a loose interpretation of the prompt inspired by Foggy unexpectedly being someone who would see God through Matt, and would even perhaps see God despite his own agnosticism in Matt's return from the dead.
> 
> I really, really hope you like it.
> 
> It was unbeta'd, so please feel free to point out any grammatical errors or typos in the comments.

The church was empty. The mourners had all filed out, slowly, returning to their everyday lives having paid their respects and acknowledged the enormity of what everyone in the community had lost with the passing of Father Lantom. And now? The space was cavernous and solemn again, with only blessed silence to fill it. Matt loved the church when it was empty.

And today, this day, it felt fitting. Because he was empty too. He’d spent so many hours of his life sitting in the same pews, the same space that had always felt oppressive, and tense. Because it demanded something from him. It gave him a purpose that always felt just out of his reach and understanding.

And now, he had nothing left of himself to give to it. He could only feel, strangely, lighter, after everything. He wasn't sure why that was. But he was grateful, nonetheless.

He felt someone sit down next to him. He hadn’t been paying attention. He made assumptions about who it was. “Whatever guidance you’re here to dispense about what this means for my relationship with God? Don’t.”

He was surprised when the voice that answered wasn’t the biting sarcasm wrapped in maternal condemnation he was expecting.

“I wish, actually. I never know what the hell to say to people at times like this.” Foggy realized quickly what he’d said and where he’d said it. “Ah, damn,” was his correction. “Shit! Ahhhhh… I mean… I’m sorry.” The air shifted and Matt imagined Foggy doing a sloppy sign of the cross. He chuckled. He wished he felt worse about it.

“Did you just laugh, buddy?” Foggy asked. 

And that, weirdly, made him tear up slightly. He laughed again, only this time it was thick and wet sounding. “Yeah, uh… I did.”

He felt a familiar arm suddenly around his shoulder, tugging him closer. “You know, I didn’t know him that well,” Foggy said, “but somehow I think he’d appreciate that.”

Matt thought about it for a moment, and laughed again. “You know, you’re probably right.” Suddenly, a scent drifted past him in the stillness, and he felt like his heart expanded. “Is that… a latte?”

“Oh, yeah!” Foggy said, and Matt reached out to tentatively take the cup being held out towards him He breathed it in deeply, letting it overwhelm him. “Your, uh… Maggie… she showed me where the machine was,” Foggy told him. “She said maybe you’d want one.”

They stayed like that for a moment. Matt leaning into Foggy’s embrace, and both of them drinking together. Comfortable. At ease. “That was a great speech,” Foggy finally said.

“It wasn’t enough,” Matt confessed. “For him. For everything he did for me. For what he did for Karen.”

“No,” Foggy agreed. “But how could it be, really?”

Matt nodded. The silence became less comfortable, as Matt realized that Foggy had something he wanted to say. He waited it out, to let him know that he was willing to listen.

“So I’m not asking because of…” Foggy started to finally say. “I mean… it’s coming from me. But I’m curious. How are you and…” He must have gestured and then remembered to correct himself. “... the big guy upstairs? After all of this?”

Matt gasped a little at that. It was unexpected. “Why do you care?”

“What do you mean?” Foggy asked, surprised by the response.

“You’ve never asked me about that kind of thing before,” Matt told him. “Which is fine. I know you don’t believe in it. You gave up on God on the day you realized your parents would let you. I know because your mother never lets me hear the end of it.”

Foggy laughed gently. “Yeah, well the way she acts you’d think I was some sort of radical atheist or something. But we both know that’s not true. I never gave up on God, Matt. Just… all this.” The air moved slightly and Matt knew that he had gestured to the church around them. “The rituals. The guilt. But it means something to you. Or at least it did. And so it means something to me too. Your faith in God is important to me, Matt, because when you have it, I feel it. Because I have faith in you. Always.”

“Foggy…” Matt didn’t know what to say to that. 

There was a sniffle, and Matt realized that Foggy was crying. He was shaking, and Matt felt it in his whole body from where they were pressed up against each other.

“I didn’t know who I was without you, Matty,” Foggy confessed, and the nickname, said with reverence, made him pay attention. “A building fell on you! Do you understand that? Tens of thousands of tons of steel and concrete came crashing down. I know. I went to the site because I had to see it for myself. I spent so many nights waking up in a cold sweat imagining it. And here you are! Alive somehow. Even when everything was awful, even when you were sitting across from me telling me you weren’t really there, it still felt like a miracle.  And if God had anything to do with it? Then I feel a responsibility to be the one to make you understand how amazing that is, how amazing you are. To help you be Matt Murdock again, and not whoever else you were when you stopped believing. Somebody has to, now that…” He trailed off, not wanting to say the rest out loud. 

Matt thought about everything Foggy had said. They fell back into a comfortable, if sad, silence. And finally, he realized what his friend needed to hear.

“I can’t explain my relationship to God to you right now, Foggy,” Matt said. “Because I really don’t know. I have so much to think about, so much still to process. But I do know this. What happened to me? I suppose it was a miracle. But your forgiveness? Your willingness to put up with my crap, to still have faith in me after everything? That’s amazing, not me. You. And Karen. Whatever happens next, I know who I am now and I know where I belong. So I’ll be okay.” 

He leaned in to hug Foggy. And Foggy squeezed him and pulled him even closer, making the moment last.

And he knew that he would be. 


End file.
